Gazoline
by Coraxxx
Summary: Sam was brave. She wouldn't let anyone die. Not if she could do something. But Sam isn't brave anymore. Sam is broken. / She was feeling good now. Everything was fine for her. Little did she know Ashley was feeling like shit. / PostGame; only Sam and Ashley survive. / TW: alcohol, non-graphic sex, self-destruction, self-harm.
1. Gazoline

You're all so gonna hate me for this and I'm so sorry...

* * *

 _Ashley was the only one out of the house. Chris and Emily were watching the wendigos, stuck in fear. Jessica and Mike was nowhere to be seen. Josh was surly dead. One of the monster was going to attack Mike._

 _Sam was left with a choice. Save Mike. Run and pray she reached the switch before the wendigo reached her._

 _Sam was brave. She wouldn't let anyone die. Not if she could do something._

 _But she was scared. The wendigo had taken all bravery that was left in her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't die._

 _Or could she ?_

 _She met Mike gaze, his face all covered with blood. Was it is ? She didn't know._

 _She didn't know what he was trying to say to her. Leave? Help?_

 _Sam was brave. But she choosed the easy way out._

 _The switch turned the light one, the house exploded, and the last thing Sam saw before blacking out was the snow she fell on._

 _Sam wasn't brave anymore. Sam was broken._

* * *

 ** _Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?_ **

" **You know why I didn't turn it on? Because I fucking knew they were still people could have all make it Sam! Mike, Emily, and Ch... And... They would still be alive."**

She was right. Sam was a coward. Just because she had lost Hannah and Josh, she decided Ashley could live without Chris.

She didn't remember thinking like that. In fact, she didn't remember thinking anything. She just run like a scared little dog and ruined tonnes of lifes around her, Ashley's first.

She didn't say anything. She had nothing to say. Ashley was right. Now, Sam wasn't the only one on her own.

Her fault. It was all her fault.

* * *

 ** _Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?_ **

" **Samantha, are you sure of what you said? Your friend, this... Josh. He played a cruel prank on you and your friend. You could have imagine them."**

She knew she didn't tough. It's the only thing she was sure of right now.

" **The wendigos... They attacked us. All of us. I had to.**

 **\- You had to what?"**

She looked away.

" **I had to go to the switch. Save Ashley when I could. But I killed the other."**

The parents of her dead friends knew it wasn't Sam's fault. She was scared. Hell, they were all scared. She did what she did on instinct. They didn't even think of pressing charges.

Sam though it was all her fault.

* * *

 _ **Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?**_

The taste was bad. Real bad. It was burning the back of her throat, making her feel dizzy. Man did she liked that. The alcool was making her feel so bad about herself, but in a way, it was still better than when she was sober.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up.

"Ashley! Ashley ashley ashley …

\- Sam, are you drunk?

\- Me, drunk? Neveeer!"

She took a step forward the bar to refill a soon to be empty glass, spilling some of it content on herself.

" **Shit.**

 **\- Sam, where are you?**

 **\- The bar baby, where do you want me to be ? Hey honey, give me all the bottle, would you?**

 **\- Sam!**

 **\- You're such a sweetheart."**

She drank half of the liquid like it was only water.

" **I'm coming right now.**

 **\- Cmon Ash, I'm fiiiine!"**

* * *

 ** _Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?_ **

Ashley was at the bar in five minutes only. No need to ask Sam what bar she was in, only one bar in town would allow Sam to drink there everynight until she was drunk and throwing up averywhere.

The last month have been hell for Ashley. But she seeked help, so she was getting better. Sam, on the other hand, was getting worse everyday. Getting drunk almost every day. Having one night stand after one night stand. What in hell was she trying to do?

Ahsley entered the bar easily and saw Sam sitting on the floor, next to a chair, the bottle of vodka against her red cheek. The red haired made her way to her friend and picked her up, taking the boottle as soon as she could.

" **Ash, cmon, I paiiid it."**

Ashley didn't care. She took Sam hand and led the way toward the exit. Sam was too drunk to protest. Then, out of the atmosphere full of alcohol, she droped the blond's hand and went to the gutter, emptying the vodka right there.

" **Ash! Dude, that wasn't cool!**

 **\- I'm taking you home Sam.**

 **\- I don't know if I have my keys..."**

She putted her hand in her pocket, searching a key Ashley was sure was still at the blond's domicile.

" **Doesn't matter, I'm taking you to my house."**

* * *

 ** _Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?_ **

Sam kissed the man wildly, sucking his lips hard, putting her hand under his shirt. He went right to her breast, and even if it made her feel uncomfortable, she didn't say anything.

Ashley had fell asleep on the couch and Sam had simply left. Meeting a not so sweet man hitting on her when walking on the street. She flirted back, and now, here they were, at her house, kissing like they were husband and wife. Free ride home, right ?

When he left in the morning, she wanted to throw up. She felt disgusting. She wasn't a prostitute, but maybe he thought she was, because he had left a couple hundred dollars on her table. She took it and threw it away.

She was so disgusting.

She so needed help.

She took back some of the money anyway. She needed it, didn't she?

* * *

 _ **Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?**_

She was on the subway, standing up when they were tons on free seat. She was so pale. Lifeless. People were looking at her either with concern or disgust. She didn't care. She just wanted every thing to be over.

Why did she leave Ashley's house again? Oh, yes. She remembered. Always would. She killed them all. Ashley was alone. Her fault.

All her fault.

" **You're alright mam?"**

Sam looked up to see a girl in her twenties looking at her with big eyes. Blonde, blue eyes, two braid falling on her shoulder. God did she look like Jessica.

" **I'm alright. Don't need help.**

 **\- Okay..."**

She didn't look like she was leaving. Sam looked away and the stranger finally went to sit down, not far from Sam.

Why would she waste her time on her?

* * *

 _ **Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?**_

She get out of the subway as fast as she could without running. This girls looking at her was too much. She would have to walk for almost thirteen minutes to get to Ashley, but it was better than to feel like a desesperate little girl, even if that was exactly what she was.

She got lost only five minutes later. Didn't know this place when it was all sunny, acustomed to the dark and the rain. The sun was burning her eyes and her skin – at least it felt like it.

She was on waiting for Ashley to reply to the call without even remembering taking her phone or dialing the number.

" **Ash?**

 **\- Sam, oh my god! Where are you ? Are you okay?"**

Sam didn't answer.

" **Sam ?**

 **\- I don't know where I am.**

 **\- It's okay, just tell me what's around you.**

 **\- There's this, hum … Restaurant, name … Hum... The two lizzards, or … Something like that.**

 **\- Okay Sam, I know where you are. I got you. Just stay on the phone. Okay?**

 **\- Okay..."**

She didn't say another word while Ashley was taking her key to get to her car, but the red haired could hear the laborious breathing of her friends and that was enough. Sam was on her phone, breathing, alive, waiting for Ashley to find her.

Midway through the ride, the line went off, and all Ashley could do was to drive as fast as she could to get to Sam before the blond decided to run away again.

When she parked in front of the restaurant, Ashley jumped out of her car, not bothering closing the door. She just run to Sam who had her phone glued to her hear, not having notice that the call had ended ten minutes before.

" **Sam !"** she yelled, and the blond looked at her. She was as white as a ghost, her hair was a mess, and the only clothes she was wearing was a dirty jean, a shirt almost wide open that showed her bra, and her shoes' laces weren't even done.

Ashley took her by the arm and secured her inside of her car.

" **It's okay Sam, I got you."**

* * *

 ** _Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?_ **

Inside her appartment, Ashley took Sam to the bathroom. The blond wasn't reacting at all, so Ashley decided to undress her herself. She turned on the water, the tap pouring hot water into the bathtup, and took Sam's shirt and jeans off. She removed het bra, her panties, freed her hair from the messy buns that was surely made at least three days ago, and then put her in the bath.

" **You relax, I'm coming right back."**

Ashley took the clothes to the washing machine. Before putting them in, she emptied the pockets, finding three hundred dollar.

" **Oh no, that's not good."**

She put the clothes in the machine before turning it on and going into her room to try to find some clothes that could fit Sam. Five minutes later, she was back next to Sam, folding the clothes the blond was going to wear.

" **You okay there?"**

No answer. She looked back to see that Sam was silently crying.

" **Hey, hey..."**

Not caring that she would be wet, Ashley took her friends in her arm. Sam welcomed the embrace and just cried harder.

* * *

 _ **And all the people say  
"You can't wake up, this is not a dream."**_

She had washed her hair and her body. Then she helped her to get dry and dressed up. She brushed her hair, put them in a bun, and led her to sit on the couch in the living room. She handed her some hot chocolate.

" **Here you go."**

Sam didn't say anything, just taking a sip of the brown liquid. It burned her tongue, but she didn't mind.

" **Sam, can I ask you a question?**

 **\- Shoot."**

That was the first word Sam had say since the phone call.

" **How... How did you get the money?**

 **\- What money?"** she answered, and Ashley could see that she genuinely didn't know what she was talking about.

" **I found three hundred dollars in your pocket. Where does it come from?**

 **-Oh. This money. I..."**

A lump formed in her throat and Sam could barely breathe, let alone speak.

" **I, hum... You'll be mad if I tell you.**

 **\- What? Why would I be mad? I just wanna help you, Sam."**

But Sam didn't answer.

" **Please Sam. Let me help. Let me in.**

 **\- A guy had sex with me. I found money in the morning.**

 **\- You WHAT?"**

Sam flinched and Ashley immediately regretted her outburst.

" **I'm sorry. But … What do you mean, a guy had sex with you? You both had sex, right?**

 **\- I... I guess? I mean, I never said no."**

Ashley didn't like where this was going.

" **Did you once say yes?"**

Sam wasn't looking at her anymore and fresh tears were forming in her eyes.

" **Sam, answer me. Did you said yes?**

 **\- No."**

* * *

 _" **You're part of a machine, you are not a human being** **"**_

" **Sam I'm sorry...**

 **\- Please Ash, stop. I just... I'll just finish my cocoa and go get some sleep, if you agree.**

 **\- I, uh, yeah, sure. You... Want some company?**

 **\- No, I'll be fine, I don't want to bother you more than I already am.**

 **\- You're not bothering me Sam. Not at all.**

 **\- I you say so."**

They finished their drinks in silent and then, without a word, Sam went to Ashley's bedroom. She put her empty cup down on the nightstand before sitting down on the bed, letting her back fall onto the mattress.

Ashley, left alone on the couch, just went to the sinkto put her cup and decided to check on Sam. The blond was already asleep, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, snoring softly. Ashley shook her head and smiled, took the cup and put it in the sink too and then sit down on the couch, falling asleep too.

* * *

 _" **With your face all made up, living on a screen "**_

She woke up two or three hours later, with a little headache and puffy eyes. She didn't know where she was, nor what she was doing there. And it came back to her, all in one second. She felt her stomach starting to hurt and run to the bathroom, throwing up so much she thought she had spit her stomach out.

" **Chris?"** she heard a tired Ashley say from the living room, and earing the name of their dead friend just made her start to cry again.

Ashley rose from the couch, realizing her mistakes.

" **Shit! Sam?"**

She ran to the bathroom: too late. Sam had heard her and was now crying loudly.

" **I'm sorry Ashley, I'm so, so sorry! I killed them… Killed them all... So sorry..."**

Ashley held her hair when Sam thought she was going to throw up again, but nothing came.

" **Hey, hey there. Sam, listen to me... You didn't kill them.**

 **\- But you said...**

 **\- I said some stupid shit, that's what I said. I was searching the guilty one. I'm sorry it was you."**

She helped her to stand up and handed her a toothbrush with some toothpaste on it.

" **Here. Brush your teeth."**

Sam complied without saying anything. Five minutes laters, they were on the couch, Ashley looking at Sam, Sam looking at the floor.

" **Sam, I... I really want to help you.**

 **\- I know.**

 **\- Then you need to let me. Would you… Would you answer my questions?"**

Sam wipped her nose with her sleeve.

" **I'll... I'll try.**

 **\- Okay. That's all I'm asking you. So, first... Did you... Did you use... Any protection. With the man.**

 **\- Yes, I... In fact, I don't really know.**

 **\- Okay. That's okay. Was it a one time thing?**

 **\- No?"**

It was a real question, and the fact that Sam didn't know broke Ashley's heart. She put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

" **You're doing really good. Now, do you... Have you used … Drugs of some sorts, of...**

 **\- What? No! I just... I just drink a lot. But you already know that.**

 **\- I don't judge Sam, okay? I'm here to help. Now, we need to go to a doctor."**

Sam gaved her a panicked look, and Ashley tried to calm her before she could freak out.

" **I'll be here with you through it all, or not, it's all up to you. But we need – I need – to make sure that you're fine.**

 **\- I … I can't. I'm sorry."**

Sam rose from her seat and, just in jeans and shirt Ashley had gave her – she didn't have any bra that would fit her – the blond ran. She went to the door, try to open it. Found it was locked.

" **Sam!**

 **\- Open the door the Ash!**

 **\- Sam, I won't let you leave! Not again!**

 **\- Ashley, open this damn door! Now!"**

Ashley tried to stop her friend but Sam pushed her away hard, and the red haired fell head first on the floor. Seeing what she had just done, Sam put her hands over her mouth.

Did she... Did she just... Again...

Ashley sat up, a hand on her head. Seeing that the girl was still alive, Sam tried to open the door again, like it would suddenly just open.

" **Please Ashley, please please PLEASE let me go..."**

Ashley helped herself up with the table low table, her head spinning a little. It made Sam want to leave even more.

The red haired steadied herself and then, slowly, reached for her friend's shoulder.

" **Sam... It's okay... Everything it's okay...**

 **\- No it's not! And… And you know that."**

Ashleyh took her hand back.

" **You're right. It's not fine. But I can, and I will, make sure that it is. You hear me? Everything, is going, to be, okay."**

Sam kept turning the handle of the door for a couple seconds and finally stopped fighting. She turned to Ashley, looking as if she didn't have anything to look for in life – which was almost right.

* * *

 _" **Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline"**_

Two hours later, Sam was sitting at the table, Ashley cooking not far away. They had call the doctor, setting an appointment in two days. Sam was reticent, but aggreed to go after some one-sided talking from Ashley. The red haired wasn't going to let her escape anyway, so she might as just accept.

She was making pasta. She wasn't in the mood to search for a complicated dinner. Dinner already, the day had gone too fast and too slow at the same time...

When cooked, the pasta were placed on the plates, with some cheese on top of it. Ashley's plate was full, but Sam's had just a little food in it. Seeing her over the toilet, she fought that a lot would be too much to eat. Ashley ate in five minutes. She was so hungry. Sam, on the onther hand, was pushing her food around her plate, eating one pasta then and there. At least she was eating something... Right?

Twenty minutes laters, the red haired was drinking some water while Sam was – finally – eating her last pasta. _Victory_ , shouted Ashley in her head. Sam had eaten something this day.

" **Okay Sam, what about you go sleep in my bed and I sleep on the couch? Do you want to change or are you too tired.**

 **-I … I might just go to sleep. But I can take the couch you know, I don't wanna be a burden.**

 **\- You're not a burden Sam. You're my friend. Now go to my bedroom before I decide to join you in my cosy fluffy bed, 'kay?"**

Sam just smiled and went to the bathroom, brushing her teeth with the toothbrush Ashley had given her earlier. She then went to the living room to say goodnight, finding the table clean and the couch already set up for the night. Ashley was a fast worker, mainly when it came to sleep or video games.

" **Ashley?**

 **\- Here!"** Ashley answered from her bedroom where she was taking some pillow to borrow.

" **So, you can take whatever you want, I'm just in the living room, and the door is closed but it just for your safety. Mine too, but mostly yours, okay?"**

Sam nodded and Ashley gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

" **Goodnight goldylock.**

 **\- Good night to you too."**

They both fell fast asleep but Sam was the first to wake up. It was early in the morning, six am or so. Sam left the bedroom to see Ashley, lying down on the couch, her face hidden by the pillow. She was beautiful, at peace. And Sam was there, feeling like she didn't belong here. No, not "like". She actually didn't belong here. _Never would_ , said a not so little voice inside her head.

As silently as possible, she made her way to the counter, searching for something, anything, with alcohol in it. She needed to get drunk. Right now. Every time she was sober, she felt like trash. Every time she was drunk, she still felt like trash, but at least she had more chance of forgetting it.

She found some wine under the sink, and even if she despised the taste of it, she opened the bottle and took a large gulp. It caused her to cough aloud.

" **Hmmm... Sam?"** Ashley said, looking up to see her friend taking another sip of wine. **"Sam! Stop!"**

That woke her up. She ran to Sam and took the bottle from her hand, emptying its content in the sink. She didn't care about the wine – she didn't even remember where it came from.

Ashley turned back to Sam and the fact that she didn't even argue made her more sad than seeing her drink.

" **Sam, what's wrong?"**

Sam didn't say anything.

" **Sam? Tell me.**

 **\- I'm nothing.**

 **\- You're... What? Why would you say that?**

 **\- That's what everyone tell me.**

 **\- You're not nothing Sam. You hear me? You mean a lot. To your parent, but also to me. I love okay? You're the only one I have left. I need you and you are not nothing."**

And Sam did the only thing that made sense to her then. Something that she would have never done in her whole life if she didn't lose almost all her friend to some cannibalistic monster.

She took Ashley head between her two hands and crashed her lips against her friend's one.

Ashley was schock, for two seconds. Two seconds only, but too much. She pushed Sam away, softly though, and when she seperated Sam's lips from her own, the blond finnaly understood what she just had done.

" **Oh my god Ashley I'm so sorry...**

 **\- It's okay Sam, hey, it's okay, I'm not mad."**

Sam ran to the bedroom and locked it behind her, starting to cry again.

* * *

 ** _Are you deranged like me?_  
 _Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?_ **

Sam only showed up when it was time for her medical appointment. She was fine, at least physically, and the doctor said that she wasn't going to be pregnant or anything, which was a big relief for Ashley. It was a relief for Sam too, but she didn't really care about anything anymore.

The doctor told Ashley that the blond should see her psychologist ; she said she was going to talk to her about it.

But the seconds they came back at the appartment, Sam locked herself in the bedroom.

She hadn't eating anything in one day and a half. She didn't care.

* * *

 _ **Are you strange like me?**_

 ** _Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?_ **

One more day not seeing Sam was too much for Ashley. She found some old screwdriver and forced her way into the bedroom.

Sam was on the bed, lighint matches Ashley didn't even know she had.

Before Ashley could say anything, the blond spoke to her without even looking away from the little stick.

" **I'm not doing anything. See?"** she said before blowing out the matches. **"Nothing's gonna happen. I just... Needed something to do."**

Ashley sat down next to her.

" **Okay. Want me to join you ?**

 **-Why not."**

Sam took another matche to light it up, watching it until she had to blow it out before it burned her fingers.

* * *

 **I think there's a flaw in my code  
These voices won't leave me alone  
Well my heart is **_GOLD_ **and my hands are** _COLD_ **.**

* * *

 **So. Here it is. Please don't hate me, I swear Sam is my second fave, I'm not making her suffer that much for nothing I promise. xD**

 **I have more plan to this story but I don't know if I will ever write it, so I decided to write an end to this one shot. And I want to do a time jump so it fit.**

 **Anyway, I'm really fond of writing english Until Dawn fiction, so expect another chapter. It took me one week to make this one so maybe in two or three weeks.**

 **Love you all and don't forget to leave a review so I can know what you guys think (^u^)**

 **Edit August 9th, 2017: chapter two will come soon. Sorry it took so long. Life is a bitch.**


	2. Wake up

**Cause we've been driving so long**

They were walking on the street hand in hand. They grew much closer over this last month, now they were spending all their time together. Not in the way two friends would. Careful, they were friends. They just lived together now. If Sam was at her parent's house or at her own apartment, she would invite Ashley. The rest of the time, they were both at Ashley's. Sharing the bed – they didn't have the place to put another one anyway – and the chores, cooking together and having a lot of fun doing so. People often believed they were sisters. They were fine with that.

Sam was better. She had been sober for twenty-one days, had gained the weight she had lost and was now looking as fine as she was feeling. And man was she feeling better. She was happy. Thanks to Ashley – the red haired kept telling her that Sam did everything on her own, but she could be dead on the side of a road for all she knew if Ashley hadn't forced her to stay at her apartment.

The hard time wasn't behind them. They were days, then and there, where Ashley or Sam was feeling down. Ashley would lie in bed all day, Sam would search for some alcohol – Ashley had made sure they didn't have any.

But they were together. That was all that matter.

* * *

 **I can't remember how we got here**

Sam didn't know anymore why she did all that she did. She didn't forgive herself yet, about all the alcohol and the sex. Ashley kept telling her that it was alright. That a lot of people did way worse to cope with way less. Her therapist kept telling her that yes, she did it, but it was in the past and that she was to let it behind her. She was going to forgive herself, and she knew it. It was just very hard.

Ashley had almost completely recovered. She hadn't forgotten Chris – how could she ever forget the first and, for now, only love of her life – nor had she forget the other. But she had definitely forgiven Sam, for choosing her life over the other's, and herself, for not returning into the house to save everyone. She still had a lot a nightmare though. They both did.

* * *

 **Or how we survived so long**

But now, when one woke up in the middle of the night, sweating like she had just run a marathon, the other was there to make her feel better, to comfort her. And then, they both fell back asleep, the other one in their arms.

They did have less and less nightmare every night. At first, Sam would wake up twice or three times a night, screaming, because she had seen a Wendigo rip off Josh's head, just to see that said Wendigo was Hannah, the Hannah that was and would still be her best friend, if only she was still alive. And when Sam had a peaceful night, it was Ashley's turn to have one. They weren't much about the Wendigo. No, they were about her being sawed in half and not Josh, Chris deciding to shoot her when, in reality, he had decided to shoot himself. Josh's prank had traumatized her more than the Wendigo, and she used to be ashamed of that. The Wendigo had killed Jess, and Matt, but no, Ashley wasn't afraid of them. She was afraid of Josh, her friend, who hadn't hurt anyone – physically at least.

* * *

 **But you'll feel better when you wake up**

 **"Oh, here!"** Ashley said, pointing her fingers toward a little shop. They were on a shopping trip after all, and all they had bought was some shampoo and a weird looking straw that Ashley just had to buy.

 **"Okay, here we go."**

They both entered the shop and one hour laters, they had both some jeans and t-shirt on their arm. Summer was coming, they had to prepare.

 **"Oh, Sam, do you have a bikini?**

 **\- A what... No?**

 **\- Then we have to buy you one, c'mon, I know the perfect shop!"**

Ashley started running, dragging Sam behind her. The blond saw the sweat running down her friend's neck and forced her to stop.

 **"Man, Ashley, you're sweating!**

 **\- Why, thanks, mam'! So romantic.**

 **\- No, I mean, why don't you take this jacket off?"** Truth be told, Sam had never seen her in any short-sleeved shirt. Ashley had always a jacket or a hoodie, and Sam hadn't really pay attention to it before when it was quite cold, but now it was intriguing her.

 **"If I take it off now, I'll have to carry it too, it's simpler to wear it. I'll take it off at home, okay?**

 **\- Right..."**

Ashley just shook her head right to left and started running again, the blond right behind her. In no time, Sam had two bikinis, some sunglasses, beaches shoes, beaches towel...

 **"Okay Ashley, time to head home now.**

 **\- Yeah, you're right. One more piece of clothes and I'm gonna drop everything!"**

They made it back to the car, slowly but surely, putting all their clothes on the back.

Halfway through the ride, they passed a pet store, and Sam had a hard time convincing Ashley that they shouldn't stop, because animals in pet store aren't well take care of, and that ten babies die in the breeding process for only one to arrive at the store.

Ashley still wanted a rabbit thought.

* * *

 **Swear to god I'll make up**

Two weeks later, Sam had told Ashley that she needed some alone time. Ashley … Hadn't take it well. They hadn't been separate for more than five minutes in a row all this time, and even then, the other person was just behind the bathroom door, taking a shower, or taking a nap in the bedroom. Hell, they had been spending time together so much that they were now comfortable with changing in front of one another.

So why could Sam want some "alone time"?

But she did not regret one bit letting her go now.

After two hours of stress, wondering where Sam could be, the door opened a bit and Ashley could hear the blond calling.

 **"Need some help here!"**

Ashley got up as fast as she could, running to the door, thinking that something had happened to her last friends – god, she didn't know what she would do if something happened to Sam.

But Sam was alright, even more than alright. When Ashley opened the door, the girl in front of her had a big smile plastered on her face, and was holding – or at least trying to – a cage.

Not just any cage.

A rabbit cage.

 **"Sam, what the...**

 **\- Surprise!"**

* * *

 **Everything or more when I get back someday**

Ashley just helped Sam to put the cage inside the house, starting to hit her right after it was done. She wasn't hurting her – at least it wasn't her goal-, but god was she pissed.

 **"Why would you do that!**

 **-I just wanted to surprise you! I'm sorry, I can return it!"** The blond was trying to escape the hits, hiding her face behind her hands.

 **"I don't fucking care about this godamn rabbit Sam! I just..."** She stopped hitting her friend and Sam could finally see that Ashley had started to cry. **"I thought that you wanted to leave, or that … Something happened to you.**

 **-Hey there..."** Sam took the red haired in her arm and held her as close as she could. **"I'm not leaving. Never. You're the only one I have left, remember? I could never leave you. And nothing – nothing – is going to happen to me."**

Ashley nodded, taking Sam's shirt between her fingers, not going to let go anytime soon.

 **"You're the only one I have left too."**

* * *

 **This is more than just a phase, love**

Sam let go of Ashley only when the girl had calmed down a little, which was after fifteen minutes of crying on Sam's shirt, trembling and muttering some words that sounded like "I love you" or "Don't leave me", to which Sam only answered "I love you too".

 **"Okay, Ashley... Now, about the rabbit...**

 **\- Wait, you really got us a rabbit? Where is he? Wait, didn't you said that pet stores were bad? Where did you get all of this?**

 **\- Calm down nerd and let me speak!"** Sam said, laughing. Ashley was back to herself and had even said that the rabbit was theirs when Sam just wanted to offer her one. She didn't think Ashley would think of the little animal like theirs, just as hers. **"I don't have any rabbit yet, BUT I have – we have – an appointment tomorrow with a local rabbit breeder who looks very nice and seems to take great care of his animals. And, I ordered all of this from the internet, so no pet stores are involved."**

Ashley took some times to process all of this.

 **"So... We are having a rabbit.**

 **-Yes, but only if you want to.**

 **-If I want to? I wanted a rabbit when I was three and never had the chance to have one!**

 **-So you are happy.**

 **-Of course, I am! And … Sorry for... Earlier...**

 **-No need to apologize, Ash, I have done way worse."** Ashley thought about the kiss Sam had sort of gave her one month ago, and wondered if she was going to do it again.

Wait, what? Where was this thought coming from?

 **"But when... when did you have the time to do all that? We spent every minute of every day together.**

 **-You take quite long showers you know?**

 **-I only take time when I take a bath.**

 **-Well, let's say that you take some freacking long bath then!"**

Just the thought of bathing made Sam shudder – she hadn't been able to take a bath since then, fearing that something might happen to someone. Even if she kind of did take a bath when she first – second? - came to Ashley's apartment.

Ashley was oblivious to Sam discomfort, too caught in the fact that she was going to have a little baby rabbit by tomorrow. Sam was glad.

 **"How about we set up everything so our future little boy or girl has a home?"**

Ashley agreed and both girls started to work on the cage – it was more a palace than a cage for Ashley. I was so big she could fit inside. And Sam had even bought a little park so the rabbit could go out of its cage if they weren't there to watch him.

Ashley couldn't stop jumping around. She was so happy she couldn't focus and Sam had to do most of it on her own. But she was okay with that, as long as Ashley would keep being this happy for the rest of her life.

* * *

 **Shooting stars all break up**

The ride had been quite long but after two hours, they were finally going to see their rabbit. Sam hadn't chosen one online, so Ashley could pick whichever one she wanted.

All those babies rabbits made Ashley feel dizzy – but in a good way. She was overwhelmed by all those cute littles creatures looking at her and coming to say hi. After one hour of discussing with the breeder, who was really nice and obviously loved his rabbits, Ashley picked a lilac otter rabbit with red eyes, one ear going up and the other going down.

 **"Have you thought of a name?"** asked the breeder. Sam turned to Ashley, who had the animal in her arms, petting him.

 **"I thought of … Cochise."** She turned her gaze toward Sam, who was on the edge of tears but still smiling. The blond took her by the shoulder, pressing her against herself and kissing her temple. She would never have thought that Ashley would think of Cochise for a name.

 **"I love it."**

And even though it seems like half the world away

The rabbit was a blessing and Ashley was in love. She spends her entire time taking care of the little animal, and even if Sam wanted to pet him she couldn't. Not that Ashley wouldn't let her: she was always having fun with Cochise and Sam didn't have the heart to disturb her.

The bad day had gone away, or so it seems. Sam didn't have nightmare anymore, at least not on a weekly basis, and Ashley was sleeping as peacefully as anyone could.

But one night, Sam woke up to an empty bed. She checked the clock and saw that it was 2 AM. Too early for anyone to not be asleep. She got out of the covers and walked slowly toward the living room. She opened the door as softly as possible and what she saw just broke her heart.

Ashley was sitting on the couch, crying. Cochise was by her side, sleeping, not being able to understand what was going on. The red head was petting him, careful not to wet him with the tears she couldn't seem to control.

 **"Ashley?"** Sam said, and the girl wiped her tears away before looking at the blond.

 **"I'm... Sorry. Did I wake you up?**

 **\- No no, you didn't... Are you alright?**

 **-Yeah, sure, don't worry about me."** And just as the words left her mouth, her body shook as she started to sob.

Sam went to the couch and took Cochise as to not sit on him. She put him on Ashley's knees and took the girl in her arms, caressing her hair with one hand.

 **"Hey, it's fine, everything's fine... Did you have a nightmare?**

 **-No, I... I just woke up and had the urge to... To...**

 **-To what?**

 **-I don't know."**

Sam felt that Ashley wasn't telling her everything, but she let it go for tonight.

 **"Okay. That's okay. Why don't you lay on the couch and get some sleep? I'll watch you.**

 **-You need to sleep too.**

 **-Then I'll sleep with you. Okay?"**

Ashley nodded in Sam's arms and both girls broke the hug. Ashley made herself comfortable, her head on Sam's knees and a still sleeping Cochise in her arms. Sam just kept caressing Ashley's hair, letting her head drop to the side. They both fell asleep like that.

* * *

 **You're sleepwalking, just keep talking**

She woke up dizzy from her night. This position was not comfortable at all. She knew why she was on the couch, with Ashley. To some extent. Truth told, she didn't remember exactly what they talked about. She forgot about "the urge" Ashley told her about. She just knew Ashley didn't have any nightmare but woke up at 2 AM anyway.

She opened her eyes and looked around her. Ashley was still sleeping, and Cochise was in his cage, chewing on some hay, completely oblivious to what had happened this night. Sam rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand before getting up, making sure she didn't wake the red hair up in the process. She then made some tea, poured herself a bowl of cereal with soy milk and sat at the counter near the kitchen to eat. She was tired like she didn't get any sleep. When Ashley woke up twenty minutes later, Sam was still looking at her food, half asleep.

 **"Hey, Sam ..."** Ashley said after a moment of looking at the blond. Sam's head shot up.

 **"Ash! Hi... Did I fall asleep?**

 **\- I don't think so …"**

Ashley was laughing now and Sam couldn't help but smile. She ate the rest of her food in silence. None of them said anything about the night they had.

* * *

 **Eyes wide open when you're dreaming**

Some days after, Sam finally remembered what Ash told her that night. Actually, she dreamt it, but she knew it actually happened. She woke up in a haze, feeling like throwing up, after this nightmare. The urge. But the urge to what? Was she going to ask Ashley about it? She didn't like it when the red head asked her about what she did … Back then. No doubt Ashley would not like being asked about something she didn't want to speak about.

But she had to, right? If something was bothering the red hair, Sam wanted to know. She wanted to help her. She wanted to save her. Take all the pain, the sadness, and the fear away. She wanted Ashley to live in peace. To be happy, carefree, just like she used to be before their night at the Washington's manor.

This morning, Ashley found Sam sleeping near the toilet, her head against the wall. Sam didn't want to talk about it.

* * *

 **Just tell me what you're thinking**

It felt weird now. Living with each other. They both had secrets they didn't want to share. They both were hiding something. They didn't have any small talk anymore. They didn't speak all that much anymore. Some questions then and there, that was all.

Sam was always thinking. She wanted to ask ... But she didn't want to know. She didn't want to know how her friend was still broken after all this time and how she could do nothing to help. She was afraid to know the truth, to realize she was useless. She couldn't even speak to her therapist about it, she was on some vacation in another state.

Ashley knew. She knew Sam wanted to ask. She knew she could tell her and end all this awkwardness right here. She couldn't bring herself to do it though. She took longer and longer shower as the days passed. Sometimes, she even had two showers a day.

* * *

 **And maybe you can talk your way out of this deep**

She locked herself in the bathroom one morning, and stayed there for hours, not moving, not doing anything. She was thinking. Looking at the closed door in front of her. How did she end up like this? She looked at her reflection in the mirror and didn't recognize herself. She changed so much, without wanting to.

She wasn't the girl she used to know. It didn't bother her though, she just wanted to know how and when it happens. She felt better when Sam moved in. Now she felt worse than ever.

Sam had told her she found a job. Nothing too serious, but they had to start doing something with their life one day or another. Now, the blond spend quite some times out of the little apartment. Ashley had no reasons anymore to lock the door anymore, she was alone. No one was here to open it. She locked it anyway.

She knew, she could see that Sam was worried. But Ashley didn't want to make the blond sad. So she put on a brave face. She started smiling a lot more. Started talking again. Sam seemed to believe everything was good again. Nothing was actually good though. The red hair was only acting on autopilot now. Doing what she had to and acting like she was enjoying it. It felt like she was out of her body, looking at it from above while it acted on its own. As long as everyone was buying it, she didn't care.

* * *

 **I'm scared that you might fall**

Sam wasn't buying it though. She knew Ashley was faking everything: her joy, her happiness. She just … She was so lost. What was she supposed to do? What if Ashley didn't want her help? She needed it for sure, but someone who doesn't want to feel better simply can't, and Sam was the best person to know that.

She took the job because she needed some time out of their home. She didn't have to talk to anybody at work, so she had all the time she needed to think about everything. Was she supposed to confront her about it? Or just let her know she was there for her if she needed to speak? She was no psychologist. She did not have any classes on how to communicate with people. Sure, she used to be good at it. But now, she kind of felt like a hypocrite. Someone as broken as her, helping somebody else? Hell, she didn't help herself at all, Ashley did everything.

Still, she had to do something. Before it was too late.

* * *

 **Things will be better in America**

She finally decided it was time. She came home from home to see Ashley had locked herself in the bathroom, again. She needed to do something. It was now or never. She knocked. Called. No answer.

She was starting to worry. Her breathing became faster with each passing second. Why the fuck wasn't Ashley responding?

 **"Ashley?"** she called again while knocking – again. Nothing. **"Come on Ash, I'm starting to panic here!"** She tried the handle again as if it would suddenly open. It didn't.

She could hear the water running, but nothing else.

She went into the living room and fumbled around, searching for something, anything to open this damn door. She finally found the tool box from which she retrieved the screw driver. She ran back to the bathroom door and, with trembling hands, finally got it to open.

* * *

 **Heard the streets are gold there**

Ashley was looking at the water being poured in the sink. She had both her arms against the cold porcelain. She couldn't hear anything.

Sam thought she was going to cry. The red hair seemed lost in thoughts. She didn't seem to mind her bloody arms like it was a totally normal thing. Like all the fresh and old scars were supposed to be here, like the bruises were not caused by herself.

The blond looked around but didn't see any sharp blade. She needed to find it first before doing anything else. Ashley needed to be safe. Sam entered the bathroom slowly. There was some blood on the floor too.

Ashley finally turned her head away from the sink, looking at Sam two seconds before looking at her reflection in the mirror.

 **"I threw it away. Down with the water."** She couldn't help but laugh. **"Man, am I proud of myself !"** she said sarcastically.

* * *

 **Maybe I could fly you out this place someday**

Sam gulped loudly before finally being able to speak.

 **"We need to clean this up..."**

Ashley shook her head before starting to clean her arms with the clear water.

 **"It's okay. You can go, I know how to do it.**

 **\- Ash …**

 **\- I said you could go !"**

Sam stayed silent for a moment.

 **"What if I don't want to?**

 **\- Yeah! As if...**

 **\- No, I'm serious. I want to help you, just like you helped me."**

Ashley stopped the water, took some tissues and dried her arms. She then turned to Sam.

 **"You don't need to help me.**

 **\- I know, Sam said. I know I don't need to. I want to. I love you Ash, okay?**

 **\- And I love you too."** She started crying erratically, sobbing even. **"I love you so much Sam, since that night you kissed me I just … These feelings grew and I don't know what to do with them."**

Sam looked at Ashley. So she loved her. Loved loved her. How could she not notice?

 **"Is it why you .. Do this?**

 **\- Do wha-? No. I mean … Maybe a little. But no. I just feel like shit in general."**

The red hair started to put on band aids on the numerous cut on her arms like it was no big deal. Well, she was used to doing it. She could not believe Sam really thought she was just showering all those hours she spent in the bathroom. No, she was fucking cutting her own skin open with some razor blade, and even if she felt better after for a little while when she woke up the next day she felt even worse. Still, she always felt like doing it. So she did.

Sam was at a loss for words. She couldn't think. She never imagined that Ashley would ever rely on self-harm to calm herself down. But then again, Sam relied on sex and alcohol, so who was she to judge?

* * *

 **Screaming through your airways**

 **"Why didn't you tell me?**

 **\- About what? The feelings or the self-harm?**

 **\- I don't know Ash... Both I guess ?"**

Ashley was now putting her hoodie back on. She wasn't going to say anything and Sam knew it.

 **"Well then... Do you only cut on your arms?**

 **\- Sam, do you... Do you really wanna know?"**

Truth was, no, she did not. She wanted to leave this place for a day or two and then come back and act like nothing ever happened. But most of all, she wanted to help her friend.

 **"Yes, I do want to know. So?**

 **\- No, I don't. I cut on my arms and legs and stomach, and I would cut my face too if there was no one around to fucking notice!**

 **\- Why do you do it? You know you can talk to me...**

 **\- You have your own problems. I can handle myself.**

 **\- Oh yeah? Look at you, Ash! You obviously can't. Why do you do it?**

 **\- Because it makes me feel better, okay?"**

They were both crying and yelling by now.

 **"Cutting hurts me. I'm not dumb! But at least then I'm hurting for something. Otherwise, I'm feeling like shit for no reasons.**

 **\- We've all seen the Wendigo, okay? You have every right to be hurting.**

 **\- No, I don't! The Wendigo did absolutely nothing to me! They never even came near me! I'm... Traumatized by a stupid prank pulled on me by one of my best friends, that's what's happening.**

 **\- I wasn't a stupid prank. Josh went way, way too far. He punched you, made you believe you were going to die, twice. He made you believe Chris was going to kill himself right in front of you!**

 **\- It was all fake!**

 **\- It doesn't matter Ashley... You thought it was real. You thought you were going to be killed. You have every right to be traumatized.**

 **\- Do you feel the same way?"**

Sam was taken aback from the question. Where was it coming from? She never asked herself this question. She never thought about being in a relationship or falling in love since... Well since Hannah died. Yes, for a moment, Sam believed herself to be in love with her best friend and even after growing out of it, there was always this thought in the back of her mind: what if she was still in love with her? What if that why she liked her so much?

And then Hannah and Beth went missing, believed to be dead, and Sam never felt like loving someone ever again.

 **"I... No. I don't."**

Ashley nodded, her arms folded on her chest.

 **"Alright. That's fine. If you'll excuse me I need to rest."**

Ashley went to her room, locked the door, and Sam stayed frozen in place, still crying.

It took her not less than three hours to finally go to the living room. She sat on the couch, dried tears on her cheeks, numb.

She needed to talk about it. She needed someone to help her sort all of this out. Normally she would go to Ashley. Now she couldn't.

She took her phone out and dialed her therapist number, hoping she was back from her vacation and would answer the call. She didn't. Sam tried again, maybe she didn't hear her phone the first time.

 **"Hello, Sam. How are you doing? Is everything alright?"**

Sam tried to speak but the sobs that crossed her lips blocked the words she wanted to say.

 **"Okay, Sam, just breathe, okay? Let me see..."**

The line went silent for one moment.

 **"You can come at my office at four thirty. Is it fine with you?"**

Sam nodded before remembering the woman could not see her through her phone.

 **"Yes, I'll come."** She finally said, or more likely croacked.

The therapist stayed on the line until Sam hung up.

* * *

 **And you'll feel better when you wake up**

When she came back home this night, Ashley was in the kitchen, dressed in her pajama, cooking. It took Sam quite some time to enter the apartment.

Ashley's pajama was sleeveless. It was a simple red T-shirt with a black short; she could see tonnes and tonnes of scars, some new, some old, some still fresh from this morning. She wondered how she missed them when they were changing in the same room. Sure, she did everything she could not to stare at her body, but still, it was pretty visible...

 **"I'm trying to cook some of your vegan recipe you like but I think I ruined it somehow."**

Ashley turned around and smile apologetically.

 **"I'm sorry. I should have told you. I should have talked to you. My mind is clear right now and I know that what I did was stupid."**

Sam nodded, staying silent two seconds.

 **"Who I am to judge, uh? You cut, I drink. We're both broken if you wanna know what I think."**

Ashley looked at Sam for some time before turning back to cooking. Sam closed the door as she finally entered the room, leaving her bags on the floor near the entrance.

 **"Sorry you felt the need to go to your therapist.**

 **\- Ts'okay. I was going to schedule a new appointment soon anyway. We'll talk about it later. How's our little guy ?"**

The blond opened Cochise's park. The rabbit didn't waste any time: he jumped out and started running all around the living room.

 **"Fine, as you can see!"** Ashley said, laughing at the tiny rabbit. He had grown up this past month but was still looking like a baby.

 **"Yeah, I can see that. Come here, baby!"** The rabbit stopped and then jumped into Sam's arms. **"I'm sorry I haven't been here a lot lately. But mama Sam love you, you know that, uh?"**

Ashleys started giggling.

" **Are you talking to a rabbit?**

 **\- Oh sush, like you don't speak to him too.**

 **\- Alright, you got me."**

* * *

 **Taking off your makeup**

Ashley's cooking skills weren't bad. Actually, they were pretty good, and while Cochise was chewing on some apple and lettuce, both girls were enjoying their meal. Ashley didn't ask about the appointment, Sam didn't ask the scars. The moment was near perfect, neither of them wanted to ruin it with drama. They would talk about it, eventually. But not now.

This night, they watched a movie together. Dumb and Dumber. They both laughed until they were crying, even though the movie was stupid. After it finished, they put another movie, a calmer and sweeter one, and both fell asleep before the end.

They woke up to the sound of birds like they were in some cliche romance novel. Sam couldn't help but laugh at this thought and Ashley joined her after trying to stay serious for a moment. They laughed and laughed and god did it felt good.

They spent their day playing video games and chasing Cochise around the room when mister found a shoe to chew on. At night, they watched movies again and fell asleep on the couch, again. It was a perfect day.

The next morning wasn't near as perfect as the last one. No chirping birds and sunshine. Ashley woke up at four in the morning, sweating and scratching at her skin. Sam woke up right after her and took the red hair in her arms until her breathing slowed down. They had breakfast at five and started playing video games again at six.

 **"What was tonight about ?"** said Sam at lunch. Ashley just shrugged.

 **"I don't really know. I just... Wanted to cut really, really bad.**

 **\- You had a nightmare?**

 **\- I don't think so. It came out of nowhere."**

Sam only nodded and changed the conversation.

* * *

 **Sun always seems to wash our fears away**

Ashley went to therapy again, with the psychologist she first saw after what they called the "incident", also known as the night all of their friends died. She had stopped going because she felt better, really. But it was clear now that she needed it again, and Sam would kill her if she didn't go so it wasn't like she had any choice.

She came to Sam when she wanted to cut now. Most of a time, it wasn't even a need. She just saw something sharp and wanted to use it on her skin. It had become automatic for her. Everything that could cut, whether it was some knives or a pair of scissor, was meant to hurt her with her consent.

Sometimes she was feeling good and then the idea of cutting went through her head. Then, she wasn't feeling good anymore. She was feeling like shit, like a broken and useless thing.

Sam was always there to take her in her arms and tell her she was worth it when it happened.

* * *

 **And it's always shining somewhere**

Mild August, they took some vacation. They rented a little bungalow near a beach of California. Their parents paid for it, obviously. They brought Cochise with them. He couldn't go see the sea, but they made him a little pool and the rabbit would spend all afternoon resting in the water.

They spent their afternoons working on their tan and their mornings swimming in the ocean. For the first time in over five months, they both had their own bedroom. Some nights, sleeping alone felt awesome. No one to kick you in their sleep, no snoring, no waking up because the other one had a bad dream. Other night, it felt really awkward, for the both of them, and they ended up sleeping together on a single bed.

One morning at the beach, while Ashley was enjoying the water, she saw a man trying to flirt with Sam on the sand. At first, the blond seemed like she was only speaking, being nice as always. Then the red hair saw her blushing so she dived under water and stayed there, eyes closed, for what felt like one eternity. When she surfaced, the guy was gone, and Sam was checking her phone.

At lunch, she couldn't help but tease Sam about it. It made the blond blush and stammer and Ashley thought it was cute and funny. She dropped it when Sam playfully asked her if she saw any cute girls out there. It was Ashley's turn to turn red. She couldn't tell her the only cute girl here was right in front of her.

They saw the same man the next morning but he just smiled and tried to flirt with another girl. Ashley was confused but Sam explained that she told him she wasn't interested so he apologized and continue his day normally.

Ashley forgot to ask her why she was blushing if she wasn't interested.

* * *

 **I just gotta get there**

Their vacation ended too soon. They were back at home, Sam had to work again and Ashley would be left alone if it wasn't for Cochise. She had all the privacy she wanted to think about how she felt jealous of a man she didn't even know because he had the courage to do what she could never imagine doing.

She really needed to work on her feeling for Sam. Get rid of them. They were poisonous. After all, she could never act on them. Sam specifically told her she didn't feel the same way. What else was there to say.

First Chris, then Sam. Maybe she needed to meet someone new. Someone who would take a mind off of a certain blond. But where could she find anybody? She wasn't going to sign herself up a dating site for sure. Man, she could not even go outside until it was fall, anyone would freak out seeing her with all those fucking scars everywhere on her body, and if she went out with an hoodie everyone would think she's a freak. There were no issues.

She just... Needed to take her mind off Sam. See her as a friend, and not a potential girlfriend. She could do that, right?

Right.

* * *

 _ **Looking back I almost thought I heard you say**_

 _ **Stay, you're not gonna leave me**_

 _ **This place is right where you need to be**_

 _ **So stay, you're not what you're hearing**_

 _ **Cause I've been watching you changing**_

 _ **And who said you're one in a million, anyway?**_

 _ **You're so much better than that**_

* * *

Well, two years later, here you go! Can't believe it took me soooooooooooo much time to write this piece of shit. Damn.

I'm sure the characters are completely OOC but I haven't played the game in forever so that's why. Sorry about that.

Expect a new chapter in two years! I'm definitely not done with this story!

 _ **Coraxx_x**_


End file.
